And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
