Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
