Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
