my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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