Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
