I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
