he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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