His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
