don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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