I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
