dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
