Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
