When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
