I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
