Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
