you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
