the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
