New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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