so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
