We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
