OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
