Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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