can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
