Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
