Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
