im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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