Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So many bounce houses so little time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
