i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
