thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
