My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
