would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
