dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize