I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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