There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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