in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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