we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
