Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Found the puke drawer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
