I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
