you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
