Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
