How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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