i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
