If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
