I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
