im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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