I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
