Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
