My first STD was from a foam party
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
