If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit a glass in half.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
