I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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