I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize