sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
