I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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