It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
