Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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