Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
