Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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