why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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