i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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