I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
