i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You took a bar mat shot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
