listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
