I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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