i think my tv is drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
