They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i out mim tonsoeep
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