please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
