I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
