You smell like a Billy Joel song
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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