i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
