Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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