I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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