you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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