Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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