I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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