i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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