I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
