I can tuck mytits in my pants
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
