Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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