Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
