Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
