The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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