Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
