The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
