so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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