Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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