i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
