In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize