Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
