he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
